Sahri Clementine

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 03:22:03 GMT

I have a new diary. A friends only one.

laxrainbow

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 02:11:59 GMT

I realized why everytime i have an online journal i end up hating it. It is redundant by nature, repeating everything that casually happend during the day. I hate that. No wonder I never recieved any comments. And as much of an intellectual I may seem to rub off sometimes, I've just come to terms with this.

So lets start anew.

Tue, 15 Mar 2005 01:31:37 GMT

My shift bar died today. I think its because i've been trying to clean my keyboard the past couple of days. Its a good thing this keyboard has two shift bars.

The dog, in which i've taken pleasure in calling 'flower', came back today. I fed him cat food. Why do I always name my stray pets weird names? First it was Ham the cat. Now its flower the dog. I'm sure someday i'll get it right.

Lauren imed me yesterday. I know, complete shock. I was making a full out of myself, as always. She did get my number, even though she apparently has a boyfriend. She's so pretty. Ugh! I'll get over it, i know this.

To be continued whenever i feel like it.

Mon, 14 Mar 2005 02:01:54 GMT

I was taken back today. On a sunday. (I hate that band)
We sat in his room, listening to him play and staring up at the ceiling and towards each other. He looked so sad when he played and I couldnt help but want to hug Jerf and tell him everything was okay. I finally had the courage to sing, and while I did sing Mercury by the Counting Crows, it was a completely different rendition of it. Everyone was taken away by my voice, and in the words of Jerf: 'Whoa. Holy shit. I didn't think you could sing like that. Thats probably the first good girl singer I've heard in a lonng time. We (jerf, spencer and me) should form a group and sing together.' I always thought I sounded like I was dying...but everyone seemed to like it. "Its between excellent and crappy" stated by Spencer. It boosted my ego tons.

All the town reminds me of now is of Mark. Good looking, happy and charming on the facade. But inside, its rotting away by its own psychosis. I didn't like it, because there was no emotion. Sure, youngstown is as shitty as any city can get, but it has emotion. A hell of a lot of emotion. While as Clarion, has none. And everyone is miserable there. I felt uncomfortable.

It felt good to be there, I only wish that my friends could have moved with me. However, they are the only survivors in the town, I miss their presence more than clean air.

Sun, 13 Mar 2005 01:29:02 GMT

anarchronism

My lungs feel
heavy,
inhaling the exhale of
words
that sit, legitimate, on my
tongue.

They are winding binding roads
running down pastures long since kept,
through grass long since outgrown,
calling out to countryside, once a happy home.

And city lights shine on in my pocket
reeling me back into the fast-paced-life
of a constant Hollywood movie screen
equipped with glitz and glamour and gleam.

Through the dusk or perhaps the twilight
(a rising or setting day)
a figure stands in
silhouette,
with an unforgiving
come-what-may.

In one hand he's holding the moon
and in the other, the sun
and I'm to choose the day or night
for the power kept in
one.

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 16:36:28 GMT

Theres a dog wandering the streets.
I wonder if he wants to be lost.

Kind of how I wish I could be lost.
Maybe we can be friends.

Fri, 11 Mar 2005 01:30:54 GMT

Theres a first for everything. I guess today was the firsts for plenty of things.

I snuck out with Dave. After second period, I was walking behind chelsea when she had given me the opportunity to sneak out of school, for the very first time. Knowing that I love spontaneous impulses and taking risks, I automatically said I would. Of course, it had to be the day when every cop in Boardman was outside, so Dave and I had to go to almost every entryway available to see if we could get to his car without getting caught. Needless to say, we took the most obvious exit and ran to his car as stealthy as possible. My heart was racing like crazy, but for some reason, Dave and I just clicked. I never really even talked to him outside of a group or people, but it was easy to sneak out and possibly risk supsension with him. We drove around boardman, smoking a bowl and talking about life. He's going to get me Lauren's number, so I'm all excited about that. I'd like to get to know more about her, and he was saying that she wanted him to find someone for her, so it was the perfect opportunity. We snuck in the same way we snuck out, but I was too high to really worry about getting caught. Well, right before we reached the doors I was panicing, but it wasn't anything to make me have a heart attack. It was a nice time, and he even said it was a miracle we didn't get caught.

By the end of the day, I had recieved a blue note/pass to see Mr. Kornbau. I thought I had gotten caught and I was really to serve the consequences, but it turns out I just need to take my Math profincey tomorrow at 7:30 AM, otherwise I fail again. Ugergegd.

I also ended things with Will tonight. I feel absolutely horrible. Like really, I could use a hug right now, considering I've never actually dumped someone before. Especially someone who is so....attached. He started crying, asking me what was wrong with him, but I simply just told him the truth. That I don't have feelings for him. Its no ones fault, because you can't help emotions. I told him I was sorry, but that I'd rather be honest than to hold a facade with him and pretend everything was fine until he recovered from his surgery. I feel bad for the kid, really. His throat is killing him, however he continues to try to talk to people. I would say I was very kind to him, and understanding..I don't know, no one likes to be dumped. What hurts more, is that I was his first girlfriend. I know I did the right thing, but this constant state of sympathy flowing through my veins is really starting to make me ache.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 12:18:18 GMT

(x) snuck out of the house
(x)gotten lost in your city/state
(x) saw a shooting star
(x) been to any other countries besides the united states
() had a serious surgery
(x) gone out in public in your pajamas
() kissed a stranger
(x) hugged a stranger
() been in a fist fight
() been arrested
(x) done drugs
(x) had alcohol
(x) laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose
(x) pushed all the buttons on an elevator
() made out in an elevator
(x) swore at your parents
() kicked a guy where it hurts.
() been in love
(x) been close to love
(x) been to a casino
() been skydiving
(x) broken a bone
(x) been high
(x) skinny-dipped
(x)skipped school
(x) flashed someone
(x) saw a therapist
(x) done the splits
(x) played spin the bottle
() gotten stitches
(x) had an IV
() drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
(x) bitten someone
(x) been to Niagara Falls
(x) gotten the chicken pox
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
(x) crashed into a friend's car
() been to Japan
(x) ridden in a taxi
() been dumped
(x) shoplifted
() been fired
(x) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
() stole something from your job
(x) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
(x) had a crush on a teacher
(x) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
() been to Europe
() slept with a co-worker
() been married
() gotten divorced
(x) had children
()saw someone die
() been to Africa
(x)Driven over 400 miles in one day
(x) Been to Canada
() Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
() Thrown up in a bar
() Purposely set a part of yourself on fire
() Eaten Sushi
() Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a rock show
()Been to a moto cross show
(x) lost a child
() gone to college
() graduated college
(x) done hard drugs
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
() Threw up on a roller coaster

If theres one thing to gain from this,
This is the best week I've ever experienced. 2 hr delay monday, skip tuesday, 2 hr delay wednesday, 2 hr delay thursday, skip friday.

Im also beginning to realize that I'm not all that attracted to guys as I thought I was....
But im not going to declare anything I haven't already declared.

Thu, 10 Mar 2005 03:57:43 GMT

I just realized we have a giant plant new to this room. Its beginning to look alot like a greenhouse in my living room. All we need is little flowers and grass growing along the sides of the wall. Hehe. So I woke up early, went to perkins with everyone. Its been awhile since I've set foot in Perkins. I miss Clarion. Kim called, but my mother was trying to play with a fax machine, so I couldnt talk long. Mr. Jones wrote me a postcard from Washington DC. I guess he misses me. No one went to the hospital this year, nor was there an anti-war protest. Seems all of the excitement and drama follows me. Some may be lost. Lets recap. The year before last, my first trip to washington D.C. I actually never really got to see much of the museums. I was caught up in an antiwar protest, which altered my life completely. Then last year, Nick got sick. Really sick, actually, he almost passed out when we were sitting at the garden of flowers inside, and my other friends left him and I behind. I ended up calling the guard, and then driving in the front seat of an ambulance, scared to death that Mr. Jones would be extremely mad at me, considering we weren't allowed to leave the building. And my trac-shit-fone had died, and I wasn't thinking when Mr. Jones gave us the phone number incase of emergencies. So there I was, in the emergency room of Howard University hospital in downtown washington D.C, afraid that I was never going to be able to contact Mr. Jones again. Turns out, Nick had overdosed, again. He had a problem with Oxy Cotin before and almost died from it. They didn't tell me what he was on. I remember him promising me that he didn't do any drugs. He lied, but it was valid, I guess. I spent the whole day in Washington D.C. making sure my friend wasn't going to die, with no way of contacting anyone from the National Art Gallery. Surprisingly, Mr. Jones showed up three years later and kissed my forehead. He told me he was so proud of me, and if he was my father, he'd hug me until I couldn't breathe anymore.
He has no idea how much that meant to me, because since then, I've considered Mr. Jones the only adult male that doesn't make me feel like falling to a breakdown.
Mr. Jones took me out to eat, in a Jamacian restaurant. It was so scary, eating with a teacher with no friends around, no other peers. We rarely talked to each other. I think we were both scared, and felt awkward. It was nice to see downtown, considering we were the only white people on the street. Wonder if anyones reading this. Nick was okay to go by 8, so we took the metro to the museum, but ended up waiting on the steps, in the dark, talking about politics and philosophy. It was then that I told Mr. Jones, the only adult, how my stepfather really treated my sister and I. He called him a prick. I was amazed. Then the bus came. And all my friends felt bad because they ditched me and Nick. But really, if nothing had happend, they wouldn't have cared. Can't really hold it against them, though.

Whoa. So yeah. I went on a tangent there. Anyway, Mr. Jones sent me a postcard. What a surprise, Picasso. I was amazed at this work. Mr. Jones says i have picasso tendencies. I never understood it until I became interested in Art History. I hope I don't come off as that eccentric.

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 02:55:48 GMT

Snuggles loves me. When walking in through the door, the dog must have grown a foot since last week! He went crazy until I picked him up, where he bit my ear and tried to lick my new teeth.
I've got that smile, where when you look, you stop and realize life really isn't that bad.

I love having no more metal in my mouth;.

FUCK POSITIONERS!

Will and I conversed. Well, I conversed and he wrote, considering he just had surgery that day for his tonsils. I basically told him the truth once more. I also told him my feelings about Lauren. He said he wouldnt have a problem with me being with Lauren and him at the same time, if I were ever to be with her. I thought it was the weirdest thing when he didnt even flip out when I said I still thought about her.

So I hope this forged note will save my ass out of six hours detention tomorrow.

Tue, 08 Mar 2005 03:20:55 GMT

I feel like an idiot. But what else is new? Why is it Drama likes to drop down in little groups? There are three things I need in order to accomplish paperwork for KFC.
1. Photo ID/Drivers License (She looked at me weirdly when I said I didn't have a drivers license...I have never before felt more ashamed in my life.)
2. Physical/Working Permit (Ok, so Mark revolked my health insurance, which means theres no way I can get a low cost physical. Working Permit..I'm scared to go to school in fear that I may have 6 hours detention. I hope my little scheme works. Beat the system. I've always hated those little pop machines. Rage against the machine.)
3. Social Security card (My mother swears that she put the application in the mail, and that it should be here in fourteen days. Who the hell knows if shes telling the truth anymore?)

---
I'm working on a 3d collage at school. Why is it I never know what I'm doing when creating something? I never have a plan, or an idea. I just let things flow..and they usually turn out to be pretty cool. So far I have all models with open mouths for the background. (Its weird how you find that most images of girls on magazines have their lips parted) I am thinking of a tree. A big giant, out of the center, tree. A tree of machines. Maybe with smile-faced babies falling like apples. I don't know. Mr. Rubino never likes my artwork, because most of its contemporary. In his words "Anybody can splatter paint on a canvas, or draw weird pictures" -- Which is not true. Not true at all. I don't hold it against him, however, he's just old.

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 12:47:39 GMT

I love something in itself.

I can't wait to hear their demo... I CANT WAIT TO SEE THEM LIVE! I'm going through sii withdrawls, and this single song is only making me crave more...

http://www.somethinginitself.com/mp3/24_fullmix.mp3

Mon, 07 Mar 2005 04:12:59 GMT

Its day one of not being tied down. I can feel the guilt of breaking his heart right now. Actually, thats the reason why I can't sleep. I half heartedly want to call him, to tell him that I was just fucking around with him, that I didn't mean it. But I do mean it. There is little for me to go on with our relationship. As selfish as it sounds, I'm already missing his constant attention. I was talking to my favorite adult, neighbor and nonrelative aunt Gayle today, and she said that she knew my spirit was one not meant to be tied down. Go figure, she's a big hippy herself. I hope I work so many hours that I won't have to think about how Will is feeling. I bet he feels betrayed. Sad. Maybe even a little suicidial. He understands, however, which made things easier for me last night. I kissed him goodbye, but it was the most awkward kiss I've ever experienced..and then we hugged. I feel so lonely right now.
Sure, I can go around and whore around again. Not a problem. Have so many buddies that the feeling of being alone almost fades away. I don't think I'm in the mood, however.

It was weird, this morning my mother woke me up by jumping in my bed. Scared to death, I jumped and clung onto the cement wall before turning and saying words of choice which normally my mother would have scolded me on. There she was, grinning ear to ear. I love the way her hair sticks straight up in the morning. Infact, I love it so much that one time I took a picture of it. It reminds me of a rooster on drugs. The first thing she says "So i heard you and will broke up?"
"No, we're on a break."
"I'm so proud of you!"
My mother is just weird. Its apparent that she never really liked Will, being that she threatend to call the cops on him when I got caught sneaking him into my house when she wasn't home, and that he's not a very outgoing person like the rest of my family. No one really liked him. No one, but myself.
But its true, those feelings I once had of him are almost translucent.
I just feel a truck load of guilt and pain, considering this is only my second longterm relationship, the first one I put a hold on.

Guidance, rainbows, hugs and really loud music seems to be the only medicine that works.

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 04:48:32 GMT

Alot has happend since I've made a worthwhile entry. I got the job at KFC. Infact, I had the "most impressive interview ever" since the general manager has worked there. So, obviously I'm going to be the only cheerful person, which I guess doesn't really bother me. My mother says I get her charismic personality when it comes to money. She says that I sounded almost too good for a fast food restaurant. Theres one thing to always commend my mother on, how well she's kept money in high priority in her life.

Will and I are on a break. I told him the truth, how every little detail of him has been making me pissed off lately. How I'm not having that feeling I once had when I was with him. How its not really even fun to hang out with him all that much anymore. He took it really well. I was half expecting him to go into hysteria, but he was really calm about everything.

I get my braces off on tuesday...

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 03:18:30 GMT

tell your friends

Thu, 03 Mar 2005 20:49:28 GMT

Today is a wonderful day!
Just a few minutes ago I heard that The Calm Before is going to be playing at the show I'm hosting on my birthday. And a few minutes after that, I get a call from KFC!!! For a job interview, which is tomorrow, which is awesome.....I'm nervous again. AHHH!
I'll write a more fulfilling entry later on tonight perhaps.

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 02:41:35 GMT

Lately I have been on a spiritual journey. I have discovered that I believe in my Goddess and my God. Not christain in any form or way. Its a branch off of wiccan/pagan beliefs, however I do not know much about witchcraft to say that I enjoy it. I don't know how to explain it, but when I was reading about the Lady, I felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness and serenity. Like, out of no where in the cafeteria study hall I had her presence beside me. In the christain faith, they would say that this was a personal encounter with Jesus. I had finally opened my eyes to see the all beautiful, loving Goddess. I believe that there is an equal balance within the Gods. A Goddess, which is in higher power because she has created everything, and a God, who is the father of everyone, and a lover/son/friend to the Godess.

That came out of no where, didn't it?

Sun, 27 Feb 2005 01:51:44 GMT

We started out just taking a walk, escaping reality. I never knew the reason why we had a leash to begin with, he's never gone astray. It has been over 6 months since I've last seen my companion. The reunion was ripped out from a movie. OH JACK! I'VE MISSED YOU SO MUCH! He wobbled inthrough the door and tackled me to the ground, salivating all around my face with his big wet pink tongue. There was something wrong with him though. There still is. He's dying from being over weight. He's gained at least twenty pounds since I've seen him, and from casual jargon with the person I cannot stand, Jack had a pretty bad seizure last night. That same person takes one gander at the devoted pup and immediately thinks he's hungry. He's being fed 3 times a day, and a box of snacks at least. Deep down inside, I know this man I cannot stand is trying to kill my best friend. lauren came inthrough the glass door opening with a brand new keyboard and tennis shoes. "Look what I got!" I just rolled my eyes and kept my opinion of her being beyond spoiled to myself. Afterall, I have finally seen my best friend, it was no time to have anger and jealousy. I took him along outside. We went in through the woods and watched the tree branches sway with the clouds. While I was peering out into the unsual sunny day (unusual for youngstown to have sunshine, but karma is beautiful that way) he nudged his wet nose into my arm. I looked at him and he looked into the pavement of cracks and coal. A police car was driving slowly -- too slowly for one to not care, not even looking into the woods until they had seen us. There was nothing that we were doing wrong, for this small patch of a conglomerated forest was for everyone around the rundown apartment complex to share. The one in the passengers side looked at me closely, and I was beginning to stand and brush the snow off my buttocks, when he drove away. I sat back down next to the log where Jack was laying next to. In the middle of day dreaming, the cops came around again, the same speed with the same suspicious eye glances. This time, my companion and I decided to nonchalantly follow the car. He passed us, and joined another police car who had approached the place at the same time, onto the most unattractive facade of them all along the street of moyer, where the policeman took out his german shepard. I had knelt down, as if afraid that the policemen, or the criminal would see either of us. Hidden by a bare branch, I felt secure. All was silent and calm before my companion decided to move and urinate. I continued to look, and I heard screaming. A subtle scream, yet it was loud enough for even the trees across the street to hear vehemently. Jack approached my side, as if ready, with curiousity, to protect me. The policemen had found his mate apparently, coming out with the mans hand laced behind his back, dragging his left leg in agony. His head seemed to be searching for a lost coin on the asphalt, before he had looked up to see the car. He started screaming again, begging the police officers to let him go. He did not put up a physical fight, at least not until the door had closed within the vehical. He became crazed, banging and thrusting his body with every movement. He saw me, and gave me a look in which I felt sympathic for. Moments later, the two policeman who had escorted the man to the car returned to the apartment, grabbing the shepard and accompanied the other man holding substances that seemed unclear of what it could be. I looked to Jack, and he had sniffed the air. He is a good dog, with no intentions of associating with other dogs. The shepard had smelt him as well, his ears perking up more than usual, and the officer had taken notice. He saw us, and waved. I waved back, and stood, walking back home.

If it were the end of the world, I'd want to be with Jack.
When its the end of Jack, the world wont give a shit except for me.

Sat, 26 Feb 2005 14:30:21 GMT

My best friend in the whole world is coming today.
Or so my stepdad promises.

I can't wait to see my dog

JACK!

Will let me borrow a couple of Wiccan books..
So I'm planning on spending my day today snuggling with my 150 pound chocolate lab, playing with my sister who I never see anymore, working on kim's birthday present and reading.

I'm sick of my style of clothing. I feel like I wear the same thing everyday. I'm in the mood for skirts... really long...organic skirts...
You know, the more I think about the comment my sister made ("Sarah, you're such a hippie") the more I want to go into denial, but I can't because I just love the things I like which happens to be 'hippyish'.

I also feel like all of my creative input on life has been drained. Hopefully a shower of ideas will pour over my mind soon because its lonely sitting here with no metaphors inmind.

Mon, 21 Feb 2005 16:53:44 GMT

I 'm having a huge birthday bash on the 25th. Its going to be huge. Bands from everywhere are going to be playing.. haha. Yeah. So there are going to be alot of people, its going to be alot of fun....(Drug free..sorry)

so why not plan a road trip on the 25th?

Its a friday.. and its the first day of springbreak.

Contact me if you want to go so I can give you directions to my house.
330774 6414
AIM: sahri clementine

Sun, 20 Feb 2005 15:38:28 GMT

I'd be lying if I said everything was good in my life. And I'm a pretty bad liar..You can tell so easily. I figit and I can't look into the persons eyes. Typical. Bobby called me yesterday and told me he just got his apendix out. I miss him. He was the person who showed me how you can tell when someones lying. Its actually kind of obvious, now that I think about it... but it was amazing to see him talk his way out of being thrown by the cop at a school parkinglot for smoking.
Lola Ray is playing in Clarion next weekend for free. Just thought I'd give people a headsup who like lola ray (Amanada?)

I found out something new about my stepfather. He didn't do steriods. He does Coke. It sure as hell shocked me, considering he dresses as though he was a stock broker (which he was for awhile). It makes me angry because he has the two things in my life that I want extremely bad. My sister.. and my dog.
Will has had prick tendencies lately. Hence why I decided not to have the party get together thingy that I was planning... because he needs to either relax or go take a vacation. It hurts. He knows I have a problem with angry men, yet he continues to show it. He's not hitting anything, but his yelling has been getting to me. He knows my low tolerance to yelling and such... just hope he can adjust himself before he takes me too far and I leave him. I don't want too, he makes me happy most of the time, but I can't handle another man yelling if not at me, but at everyone else.
I'm still in the middle of a breakdown. Seems crazy, to have a week long breakdown... but I can't help it. It bothers me to even kiss Will anymore, because I result back into the problem I'm having. He doesn't understand it.. He touches me and stuff, and I dont mind it... but whenever I go to touch him I stop and he thinks I just dont want to do anything with him....
Its not that.. Its just.. yeah.

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 16:45:33 GMT

I didn't get the job.

" I would hire you, I think you are a very nice girl, but I can't because you live far away and you don't have a reliable ride, therefore I don't think you'd be right for the job."

But...but.. I can't help that.. Its my mothers fault!
(Its what I wanted to scream in anger and frustration.)

"However, there is a store closer to you. I'll call the manager right now and tell her how great you'd be to work for her. She's always looking for people to hire, so I think it would be great."
"Hello, Sarah? This is Jen. I have an applicant here who lives too far away for the Boardman-Canfield handels. She is a very nice girl, and I'll send her over with the application now."

------
So theres a negative and a positive.
I guess its not too bad for my first interview in my life... However they won't be hiring until the middle of March.
Ugh.

Fri, 18 Feb 2005 03:48:42 GMT

I've been having a breakdown. About and issue that not only makes my skin crawl, but that I can't even speak about in person. Will wants to take me to therapy with him. He pisses me off sometimes. I hate the way he tries to make things better, about empathizing. I dont like empathy. Especially when I'm having a traumatic breakdown.
I notice that the day after a breakdown I'm extremely pissy with everything. I dont know how many times I told my sister to go fuck herself and meant it.
I got really agitated with Will on the phone because all he seems to talk about is his classes. He expects me to not bitch at him for not going, but yet he brags about how borderline genius he is. Thats fucking great.
Ugh. I hope this anger towards the people who are in my life daily will end soon.
I really do like Will. He just gets to me sometimes, especially with petty things. Sigh. He's driving to my interview tomorrow, of which I'm sure I'll fuck up. I dont even know how I'll get there. But I need the job. I dont care. I'll walk.

Today I tried not to cry so many times. I hate getting choked up in school. I know I need to tell someone adult-like. But I'm afraid. Afraid of what they may do to me. How they'll take it. I may admit myself back into the hospital. The certain thoughts only used to haunt me every few weeks, but now its every other day. I'm losing alot of hope.
I did, however, have fun with kayla and katie tonight. It made me happy to see their videos.

Wed, 16 Feb 2005 20:43:37 GMT

Please Indians, go build a casino out of my mothers sight.

She didnt come home until five this morning, when she was supposed to be back at 6 that night. "Sorry, got caught up in the 'ino."

Hopefully by the time they actually build the casino in boardman, I'll be away at college. And then I'll be able to kidnap Taylor every week.

--
So I spent the last twelve bucks on a book. A heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius.
The guy is hilarious.
I love it.

----
Today starts day one.
-----
I'm tired of writing my daily life in a memoir of a journal.
-------
This cheese tastes like Beer.
I really only like beer when it comes to Alchohol
I can't spell that word either.
---------
Its offical. The right side of my brain is decaying.
I can't even add anymore.

Sat, 12 Feb 2005 15:17:50 GMT

I've always hated valentines day.
I feel its just another capitalistic holiday for the government to make more money by telling people
"The more you buy, the more you love!"

Makes me disgusted.

I miss my friends

Oh yeah!!! I forgot!
I got my first call back for a job yesterday! I was flipping out. In my whole year of trying to get a job, I finally get a call back. Must have been all of those explanation marks on the application. Anyway. Katie got a call back too. It would be fucking awesome if we can work together.
Guess where its at? Handles Icecrem Shoppe.
AHH IM SCARED FOR THE INTERVIEW!
Ew.

Anyway. We went out to dinner last night and he gave me a bracelet. He had his grandmas nurse's sister make it for me... Its beautiful. Rainbow glass. Not really the typical present you'd see someone give for Valentines day, but I think thats why I liked it. He says he has a few other things for me, but uggggh. I hate it how he gets me a million things. Makes me feel bad when I only present him with one thing.

I've been working on this mirror painting for him. I hope he likes it. He gave me a couple more pills to sleep tonight, but I think I'm going to take advantage of the hypnotic drug again and play around with things.

When I'm without Ambien, I can feel the intensity of the spiders crawling all over my body before I sleep. Several times the 'spiders' dig into my skin so deeply that I can actually feel them nawing my veins. I turn on the lights, nothing there. There is marks on my skin, but they dont equal up to a spider or an ant bite.

When I get health insurance again, I want to see if I can get me some insomniac pills. I love Ambien.

Oh, and for the record,
I quit pot. Forever.
He's quitting too, which is remarkable since he smokes every day, however his goal is a month.